Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
