I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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