Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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