I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
