i think my mom watched the whole time
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
