addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
