Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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