He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
