haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
