the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
