i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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