im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
