I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
