i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
