Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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