i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
