Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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