Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
