i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
