well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
