Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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