A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
