I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
