i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
how do you play pong handcuffed?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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