Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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