piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I think my vagina is haunted
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
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