Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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