if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
