I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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