I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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