Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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