I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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