Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
