have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
