hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
