Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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