You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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