We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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