Where did you get a picture of my penis
Someone shit on the floor
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Randomize
