Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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