you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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