every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
