she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
