I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
