Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
50% drunk capacity currently
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
