Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
