I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
