Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
