Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
dude. I can hear the air.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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