he was CRYING into my vagina
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
