dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I want to be your penis for a week.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
