I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
