I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
